Ok, about the header image. Anyone who actually looked at the picture could probably figure out that it’s not Haiti. It’s a funny picture I found after Hurricane Katrina a few years back and I never had the opportunity to use it.

… Yes, I am very insensitive. But seriously, if you have the opportunity, you should help Haiti. Because that place already wasn’t too great before that earthquake. And their population got fucked pretty hard. So… that’s all I know about that. Seriously, I have no clue what’s going on in the world.

I don’t know what to do. Just trying to keep busy until time erases these memories. Last night you ripped my heart in half. I just wanted to scream how much I hated you. Why the fuck can I not be good enough for you?! You’re so fucking sweet and perfect. You’re the first person I’ve been able to picture my life with. I can’t find the right words to describe the way I felt about you – feel about you. You finally just told me what’s been on your mind, what’s been bothering you. And of course it was me. I’m not sure if I could ever be the person you want me to be. You deserve so much fucking better. But why did I have to be the one to be angry about it? Why did I have to call it off? If you aren’t fucking happy with me and you know nothing’s going to change, then why couldn’t you fucking break up with me? I’m not strong enough for this. You made me so unbelievably happy every second I was with you. All I want to do is crawl back and ask you to stay with me. But I know this is for the best. You said you still wanted to be with me. But how could you when you can’t even just like me for who I am? No, I can’t dance. I’m not fucking fun and adventurous. I’m a lame boring-ass person. I wish I could change for you. I wish I could be better. But this is all I know. I don’t get how I’m so fucking intolerable! I don’t know what to fucking do.

Last night, when I finally fell asleep around 6, all I could think about was you. I dreamed we were playing cards at CLC and laughing at inside jokes. And when you held me, I never wanted you to let go. And I was so fucking happy, but you were too – that’s how I knew it was a lie.

I love you. And I miss you so fucking much. You still love me too. But love can’t conquer shit when I can’t even make you happy. If I know I’m doing the right thing then why does it hurt so damn bad? Why do you have to make it so hard to get pissed at you? Why did you have to tell me how much you loved me and how I still made you happy? But when it came down to the choice of staying with me if you think I can make you happy and saying goodbye forever you chose the latter? You never fucking lie to me. You always tell me the truth. But then what the fuck did you mean “you make me happy?”

I don’t know how to feel. All I want is you back. But that can’t be the right thing to do. You confuse me so fucking much! All I want is you to be happy. And I don’t fucking know how to make that happen!

Please just give me a hint! Someone fucking reassure me that I’m doing the right thing! Tell me I don’t need to see him ever again. Tell me things will get better. I try to tell myself those things, but I know they’re all lies coming from me. I am not going to get better! I can’t fucking forget about you. All I want is to talk to you one more time, make sure I’m doing the right thing. But that conversation could never be the last. I could never be convinced that something that hurts this damn much is for the best.

This is not who I am. I’m not dependent on any man. Fuck you for making me feel this way! I’ve never felt more lost in my entire life. Maybe I don’t know who I am anymore.

But they say time heals all. But when I’m 90 years old with alzheimers, I still won’t be able to stop thinking about you.

I love you.

I guess I can never talk to you again.

so just… goodbye Alex.

Totally just looked at my blog and realized I haven’t posted since end of summer [and there was still a picture of the easter bunny in the header!]! And what better time to do this than when I have a ridiculous amount of homework to do! OMGz So much to tell!

Not really actually. Living the dorm life is not as glamorous as you may think.

I wish ours was this big and pretty!

I’ve realized that everything is exactly like the College Humor Guide to College!!! If you’re in college or going to be, check out this book. Everything in it is right: the always being sick, the getting fat, the constant napping, joining a bunch of clubs and then never going to meetings! It’s all happening!

When I quit Party City this summer (my last update was right after I gave my 2 weeks notice), things got a little weird. My assistant manager had been a huge dick to me lately for no reason, and he was really starting to piss me off. No one really liked this guy to begin with, and when I knew I was about to leave I didn’t care if he was completely aware of how much I hated him. So, down to one week left – I was only scheduled for like 3 days that week because my bosses were starting to get pissed at me by that point.

I was already having a shit morning. Worked until close the night before. Went straight to the city and went out drinking with my sister, drove back a little after 5, got a fucking speeding ticket. As soon as I get into work that morning (I’m a little early), I go over to talk to the people downstocking and just start helping them. Those people proceed to tell me that our manager informed everyone working that day that I had been a total whiny bitch closing the night before. Fuck that asshole. I really didn’t want to deal with that prick. So I didn’t go back to the office and let him know I was there or anything. He comes up and gets pissed off at me. Gets flustered. Tells me to go clean the windows. Fucking asshole. No one cleans the windows.

I fucking clean the windows. I go back to doing my job. He comes up and tells me to stop doing my job, and go home. I am so fucking done with Party City by this point. I step outside the isle where everyone was. Call the manager a douchebag, tell him to fuck himself, go home. It was a good day.

So I just thought I’d share the interesting little anecdote of how that ended and why I probably shouldn’t put it down on a job resume…. I was fucking awesome at that job for a little while though.

Note to WordPress Editors: He just has a third leg! I swear!

So not much else new. Still dating this fucking amazing guy who I’m completely in love with. He’s such a fucking cool person (and he’s damn sexy). It’s awesome.

I’ve gone home this year more than any other freshman I’ve talked to just so I could hang out with him. It’s been really cool.

I haven’t really partied at all though because I constantly seem to be epically behind on homework It blows!

So I guess that’s all I really had to share. I feel like this is definitely getting too long and boring. Perhaps I will make an actual update some time in the future O.o

Why am I blogging right now when I’m so epically behind on homework?

Because that’s the only time I will ever update apparently!

 

So I’m totally lame and freaking out a little right now. I just went out to a dining hall with a bunch of girls from my floor. It was this random shitty dining hall we live right next to. Never been to it, and tonight was “soul food” night. Hellz yeah fried chicken mashed potatoes! They had a dj blasting black music too. It was pretty fucking badass. Having a pretty good time…

But wait… is that my fucking ex boyfriend?

Holy shit. It totally has to be.

No fucking way. That makes no sense. He got kicked out of this school! What the fuck would he be doing in the dining hall here? And of all the random fucking nights he would choose to go to a university dining hall, which a nonstudent can’t get into unless someone who goes here pays for you with his own meal credits, why the fuck would I see him in this random place on this random night?

I knew it had to be him. But it didn’t make sense as to why. So I decided I was obviously just going crazy – nothing new there.

I had to find out if it was actually him, or it was going to epically bug me forever, because I’m lame and obsessive about going insane like that.

The only way that made sense was to text him. But if I text him, he will have my phone number = conflict!

[background story: the ex, while I was still facebook friends with him, put up a group asking for phone numbers because he lost all of his. I just muttered 'thank god,' ignored the request, and deleted him as my friend.]

As much as I hate myself for it, I had to text him and find out if I was insane. I just sent him an embarrassing text asking if “by any chance he was around FAR that night” without stating my name.

He texted me back, and indeed, he did go to “check out racist thursday.” He didn’t ask who it was texting him or anything. Hope he didn’t recognize my number or anything.

Why he was there: I don’t know, I really don’t fucking care. I’m not insane.

 

</Boring self involved rant>

 

I’m fucked up.

Summer’s nearing its end. The time can be counted in weeks (or days depending on how much of a downer asshole you want to be). The greatest memory I take away from this summer is the combination pizza hut and taco bell song. Great song. It’s definitely my anthem of summer ‘09. Every time that song plays something awesome happens; mostly dancing and singing along and eventually going to the combination pizza hut and taco bell. But then you get there and are disappointed that the don’t have p’zones, because apparently you have to go to a real pizza hut for that (you make the best of it and get a chalupa). And that’s kind of like that fleeting feeling of summer. I guess. I don’t really know. College!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else pumped?!??!?!

I’m maybe not that pumped. I’m excited at least th0ugh! But no more than one exclamation point worth. I’m excited to be out on my own, far away from my parents, and meeting new people; but I’m sharing a bathroom with a floor full of girls, mooching off my parents has definite perks, and meeting new people mostly makes me sweat. Not to mention the fact that school always seems to come at the worst possible times. I’m not ready for summer to end yet! The weather’s finally nice! I just discovered how awesome it is to be unemployed (I just had a week off with nothing to do, but I guess I still have 2 weeks left until I can leave work for good). And of course I had to go and fall in love with an amazing guy over the summer. GREAT TIMING, SCHOOL.
I mean, I met the guy at CLC, so he already lives like half an hour away from my house. Now I’m going 3 hours south, to essentially the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, for school. And then the next year he’s probably going to school out in f-ing Arizona, so then it’s definitely going to be over. But no, I had to go and fall in love with him and all that good bullshit, so we have to drag it out even longer. I mean, I honestly see him breaking up with me some time around Thanksgiving. I’ve never dated a guy who I’ve known right away is just too good for me. It’s weird, and makes no sense that he would have wanted to go out with me more than twice, but I feel lucky as shit. I might as well roll with it

Anywayz, I could go on longer typing about how awesome he is, but even I can try to keep some of my dignity intact. So… I’m happy right now. Life’s good. Sad summer’s ending. Nothing more to say. Oh well. OK.

Well blog, it’s been a while. I’ll just briefly update on what’s gone on since I last updated. Went skydiving, did some highly embarrassing karaoke, got text messaging, completely stopped doing anything at work (almost entirely due to text messaging), went to prom, and graduated high school. Pretty dull stuff. Not much to say about it.

Anyway, it’s now summer time. Which means it is once again time for me to epically fail at getting a tan. And I’ve already started the process dooming me to be pale for another year. I almost went on having the word “pail” instead of “pale.” That would have been embarrassing because a pail is like a bucket or something and that would clearly make no sense. That would have been a silly typo to make. Good thing I already changed it before it was read and thus have no reason to make you aware of this small mistake that you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway. I mention this for the shear sake of continuing to be boring to any reader who has not yet left.

Anyhoozle, so I’ve gone outside a few times this year and tried to tan. So far, I’m still the whitest kid I’ve ever seen. Last year I tried not using sunscreen at all, which kind of worked; until the red painful layer fell off and I was somehow back to being extremely pale again. So this year I decided to actually use sunscreen. However, all we have in my house if spf30, which equals no tan for me. I refuse to go out and by more crap just for a lower spf, so I decide to just use a little bit of sunscreen – hopefully that will do something.

I also seem to have a low tolerance for the sun, which makes tanning very difficult. After an hour of laying there doing absolutely nothing, I start going insane and have to leave and go do something. And once I start doing something that seems worthwhile and provides instant gratification, it’s impossible to force myself to go back and attempt to get a tan. I’ve tried actually doing things while I’m stuck outside tanning: reading, games, text conversations. None of those work at all because the sun is too fucking bright to really see what you’re doing. My mom says you can just go to sleep. Ummm… No. That’s got to be one of the most uncomfortable places to sleep ever: hard wood, sun glaring at you.

So you’re essentially doomed to just lying there in boredom. The bugs make it suck though. I do not fucking like bugs and shit. Especially shit, that stuff just grosses me the fuck out. So… bees and wasps live inside the wood of our deck outside. Like, whole mother fucking colonies. Surrounding the small area that is our deck. It’s like my fucking nightmare. I thought someone told me bees were, like, endangered or some shit? Although, once you get past the constant paranoia as you hear them buzzing past you, it’s not so bad. None really bother you and land on you at all, they just fly past your ears to try and make you flip the fuck out – which almost always works. Only ants ever really crawl on you out there, and you can just kind of flick those off if they bother you. Except fucking yesterday… I’d been out for an hour, but it was fucking gorgeous outside and I figured I could probably stay out for almost another hour. Until out of fucking nowhere, this huge-ass black spider fucking lands on my lips somehow! Needless to say, I flip the fuck out to the max. That pretty much killed my day right there.

So here I am. Pale. White. Ghostly. Another year of not being able to tan. Irish ancestry fucks me once again. Fucking Irish. I think I’m part Irish. Maybe not… I’m also supposedly part Swedish. And Native American. I think my dad just kind of made our ancestry up though. I’m a very specific ethnicity of European descent which does not tan at all… except my sister who is fucking brown. I got the shitty genes – the genes that make me glow in the dark. I am one effulgent mother fucker.

Anyway… wow. Why the fuck did I talk about this?

If there’s any message I want anyone to take away from reading this post it is: SKYDIVING IS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOU SHOULD FUCKING DO IT!!!! BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING YOU WILL EVER DO!!! I mean, there’s no reason not to. It’s really safe and relatively affordable… and also FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

Not the Bowie song…. The Obama Chia Pet!!!!!!!!!!!

ZOMG! Chia Obama!!!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!! I want one so bad!!! It’s so fucking ridiculous! I want to grow out his luscious black afro in Chia form! I’ll have my own Obama pet!
I love that he’s available in two different facial expressions: “Determined” & “Down Syndrome”

I have nothing more to say.

Why did I have to help my mom make that Facebook?

OK. I hate sports channels. They are the most unreliable channels ever. The TV Guide or whatever can say that the hockey playoffs started half an hour ago, but you turn it on and .. Bull riding…. Bull riding: not a real sport. It’s a rodeo activity purely for the spectators. It’s only good when someone gets gored, and with regulations nowadays: forget about it!

Seriously though, how long could they have misjudged that the bull-riding show would last? No one stays on the bull past 8 seconds. Did some guy philibuster the competition and just ride the bull around the track like a show-pony for 45 minutes? This thing doesn’t seem like it’s near the end either…. Bull riding is sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon? Pabst Bull Riding? That made so sense. This is stupid. I forgot the real reason I was initially going to start this rant. I love bull riding now. It’s so fucking stupid. I want to marry it. I don’t understand why the bull is so calm when surrounded in that little blue cage, then he just flips the fuck out! It’s crazy! It’s stupid! It’s pointless and easy to fuck yourself up doing it! You basically let yourself be violently flung from a giant fuzzy angry buffalo looking creature. I wish they were buffalo. I would enter a buffalo riding competition. They’re so peaceful and majestic. I would just ride it around until it was tired. Then cook it and eat it. A whole day of fun! Mmmm… buffalo.

I’d probably rather watch bull riding (or buffalo riding for that matter) than baseball any day.

Anyway, so. Sports channels, yeah. Crazy. Not all that reliable.

College is the biggest bullshit ripoff on Earth. Whoever thought of that shit was a fucking genius asshole. They charge you for every little fucking thing. And if it ever looks like they have the opportunity to charge for anything, they try to overcharge by about a thousand-fold. I don’t know how they get away with this shit. I’m just saying, I get virtually the same fucking education at a community college as I could at any university. And I don’t have to deal with all that college bullshit! I mean, I know that the whole thing is that you’re paying for the “college experience” and not the education. But what the fuck does that mean? I can go down to any other college and hang out with my dumbass friends who went to college and “experience college” (aka shitty dorms and cheap beer) and not waste all the money of myself and my family. And while having free time to hang out with friends, I can be receiving a full-education at some shit community college and still have time to work and earn ca$h!

The college experience

Man, taking a semester off between high school and college really makes you realize what complete bullshit everything is. Now I realize how completely not worth it college is. The system is flawed and I’m the only one who sees it!

 

But whatever, U of I. I still think you’re a cool place even though you’re 4 hours away and in the middle of fucking nowhere Illinois. I love you even though you overcharge me for education that I could easily learn for free given the right motivation. I love you even though you charge over $1000 for a 9 month rent of one of the crappiest apartments ever built which are then shared among other people who you’ve never met before and are probably complete assholes because the only question that apparently determines who a person’s roomate should be is “do you smoke?” By the way, I lied on that question because my mom was in the room. I love you even though this makes no sense at all, you know why? We’re all fucking crazy. Go Illini!

It’s still 3-1  with 10 minutes left anyway, so I’m just kind of assuming. But come on, fuck Calgary.

So I was sittin’ around watching the Hawks game (4 seconds ago) when I realized that I had a 6 page Engrish paper due tomorrow that I haven’t even thought about. But then I realized that I haven’t blogged in a while, so here we are. I was totally going to spend all day writing this paper and it was gonna be a snap. But then I took a shower and decided to get a headache and nap all day. So, 10:30 pm. I have work all day tomorrow and have to go straight to school. I essentially have until 8 am tomorrow to get this done.  That’s plenty of time if I don’t sleep.

I still have to figure out what I’m going to write about. It has to have something to do with the internet. I think I’m just going to write about internet overuse and addiction – something I seem to have experience with. I don’t know what else there is. I could write about the phenomenon of LOLcats. Page 2: How do most people pronounce LOLcats when telling others about it? Page 3: What the fuck do you mean you “can has cheeseburger?” You want a cheeseburger? You’re a cat! People, do not feed your cats cheeseburgers: They will invariably die. INVARIABLY!

I really don’t want to write this. I want to ditch English class sooo bad tomorrow. It’s not like it really matters. I can turn it in next week and not really even get any points off. Grades don’t matter in this class anymore anyway! I got a 100% on my last essay and wrote it in two hours!

This is seriously the most bullshit waste of time English class ever. We spend half of the time working on semi-colon usage. Who gives a fuck? Semicolons aren’t even a necessary punctuation mark! There is no situation in which a semicolon would be the only grammatically correct solution. It’s not the “go to” way to fix a fucked up sentence. It is an afterthought of the English language and entirely preferential.

Well, I went too in depth on that remark, but it’s true. Colons and semi-colons: Abortions!

I love colons though. I feel like I’m able to cheat the whole language when I use one.

Anyway, so… not doing homework. Fuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn…..

I think people accomplish some really cool and interesting things while procrastinating doing other things that have to be done. I downloaded that song they play everytime the Blackhawks score a goal yesterday (Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger). Doo doo doo doo doo doo dood ododododododo etc. The part of the song they play after goals (and in some new beer commercial) is the only memorable part of the song. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo… It just sounds like a good old time with your buddies: drunk, walking down the city streets at night, arm in arm, stumbling, semi-trying to do the can-can. Good times…. I’ve never specifically created this memory, but that song just seems to accurately depict this very scene.

G’night! One minute left in the game. Still 3-1. Who’s next? Canucks? We’re fucked.

EDIT: Wait, the Ducks? They rhyme, whatever. Still not a good chance. I’ll root for ya anywayz, Hawks!

Molly needs a prom date!

Anyone with $75 and willing to hang out with me, congratulations!

The bus leaves at 5, so pick me up early and we can do pre-prom things or whatever.

See you then!

There’s no hot water in my house. I need to shower very badly.

I’m pretty sure yesterday morning had to be the worst morning ever. I was having the most amazing dream! And my alarm clock went off at the worst possible time ever!!! I’m not going to go into detail on my dream, because it was ridiculous as hell. I was just pissed that I went through that entire part of my dream where I had an awkward and overly angry conversation with my parents about whether or not I left laundry in the dryer, and I woke up just when I started to make out with that random hot guy! DAMN YOU ALARM CLOCK! Anyway, whatever. I had to get ready for another – likely to be shitty – day of work (I was stuck there until 10 the night before!) So I jump in the shower… and it’s freezing. I flip the fuck out. I realize that it is very very icy and want to cry. I manage to get shampoo in my hair and almost rinse it out. That was a fun shower. Anyway, yesterday as a whole wasn’t so bad. I’m pretty sure that unexpectedly freezing water in the morning is the worst thing to experience ever though.

So anyway, I thought today might be better: until I woke up and realized the water would still be cold. I woke up before 8 this morning hoping to get clean and start my day-off early. My momz said that my pops was supposed to fix the water heater this morning. He’s still in the basement sleeping. It’s after 11 now. I needed to go the bank today! I won’t have a chance to get money until Tuesday.

Hmph… I’m very angry. I just want warm water! I wonder if that kid down the street will let me use his shower…

How did the cavemen live?
Well, I suppose their gall bladders were probably more useful for removing all of that bile they ingested….
They didn’t shower: ever. When did humans begin formalizing language?
I think cavemen deserve their own post….

Seriously though, hippies? Music festival goers? Campers?
How do they live with themselves and their filth? It’s been 2 fucking days for me! Am I OCD? I don’t think I am. I just really don’t like being dirty at all. I don’t like the whole concept of a filthy film that builds on top of you.

I’m mostly bored right now.  I want to move on with my life already! I want to be able to go out and do stuff! I can’t face the world right now without a shower. I’ve got the stench of a little over 2 full days failure on me. [insert angry sounds here] >:-<

Wow, so I’m pretty sure that I’ve completely made up for my lack of MS Painting lately by wasting my entire day off doodling. I just had this stupid idea of making a comic about this guy from work last night. I guess I must have been having some creative mindsplosion today, because I ran with it and came up with about a million different ideas. Of course, I don’t have the MS Paint talent/speed/patience to actually go through with most of them, but I think that the ones I did make were pretty cool. I really wanted to do more about Terrence going to Highland Park and being forced into doing inscribe (my original idea), but then my mind went off on too many tangents because there are way too many possibilities! I really considered doing the entire Highland Park store and then inverting all of their colors so they would be like the “bizarro” Party City. Not enough time. Also, I feel like kind of an asshole just using one of my coworker’s lives as the subject for an entire series of comics. I probably should have stopped after the one, but what can I say? I was on a roll! Anyway, I’ve already posted the images on Facebook to be ridiculed, but I did say that my blog needed more color and images, so I’ll just go ahead and post them here! A lot of the things in here are only funny if you either work at Party City, know Terrence, or - well - if you’re me.

That first one had the stupidest background color and scheme to work with ever!
Also, the images are too big and had to be sized down so they would fit. For most, you can just click on them to see the enlarged version.