Summer’s nearing its end. The time can be counted in weeks (or days depending on how much of a downer asshole you want to be). The greatest memory I take away from this summer is the combination pizza hut and taco bell song. Great song. It’s definitely my anthem of summer ‘09. Every time that song plays something awesome happens; mostly dancing and singing along and eventually going to the combination pizza hut and taco bell. But then you get there and are disappointed that the don’t have p’zones, because apparently you have to go to a real pizza hut for that (you make the best of it and get a chalupa). And that’s kind of like that fleeting feeling of summer. I guess. I don’t really know. College!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone else pumped?!??!?!

I’m maybe not that pumped. I’m excited at least th0ugh! But no more than one exclamation point worth. I’m excited to be out on my own, far away from my parents, and meeting new people; but I’m sharing a bathroom with a floor full of girls, mooching off my parents has definite perks, and meeting new people mostly makes me sweat. Not to mention the fact that school always seems to come at the worst possible times. I’m not ready for summer to end yet! The weather’s finally nice! I just discovered how awesome it is to be unemployed (I just had a week off with nothing to do, but I guess I still have 2 weeks left until I can leave work for good). And of course I had to go and fall in love with an amazing guy over the summer. GREAT TIMING, SCHOOL.
I mean, I met the guy at CLC, so he already lives like half an hour away from my house. Now I’m going 3 hours south, to essentially the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, for school. And then the next year he’s probably going to school out in f-ing Arizona, so then it’s definitely going to be over. But no, I had to go and fall in love with him and all that good bullshit, so we have to drag it out even longer. I mean, I honestly see him breaking up with me some time around Thanksgiving. I’ve never dated a guy who I’ve known right away is just too good for me. It’s weird, and makes no sense that he would have wanted to go out with me more than twice, but I feel lucky as shit. I might as well roll with it

Anywayz, I could go on longer typing about how awesome he is, but even I can try to keep some of my dignity intact. So… I’m happy right now. Life’s good. Sad summer’s ending. Nothing more to say. Oh well. OK.

Well blog, it’s been a while. I’ll just briefly update on what’s gone on since I last updated. Went skydiving, did some highly embarrassing karaoke, got text messaging, completely stopped doing anything at work (almost entirely due to text messaging), went to prom, and graduated high school. Pretty dull stuff. Not much to say about it.

Anyway, it’s now summer time. Which means it is once again time for me to epically fail at getting a tan. And I’ve already started the process dooming me to be pale for another year. I almost went on having the word “pail” instead of “pale.” That would have been embarrassing because a pail is like a bucket or something and that would clearly make no sense. That would have been a silly typo to make. Good thing I already changed it before it was read and thus have no reason to make you aware of this small mistake that you probably wouldn’t have noticed anyway. I mention this for the shear sake of continuing to be boring to any reader who has not yet left.

Anyhoozle, so I’ve gone outside a few times this year and tried to tan. So far, I’m still the whitest kid I’ve ever seen. Last year I tried not using sunscreen at all, which kind of worked; until the red painful layer fell off and I was somehow back to being extremely pale again. So this year I decided to actually use sunscreen. However, all we have in my house if spf30, which equals no tan for me. I refuse to go out and by more crap just for a lower spf, so I decide to just use a little bit of sunscreen – hopefully that will do something.

I also seem to have a low tolerance for the sun, which makes tanning very difficult. After an hour of laying there doing absolutely nothing, I start going insane and have to leave and go do something. And once I start doing something that seems worthwhile and provides instant gratification, it’s impossible to force myself to go back and attempt to get a tan. I’ve tried actually doing things while I’m stuck outside tanning: reading, games, text conversations. None of those work at all because the sun is too fucking bright to really see what you’re doing. My mom says you can just go to sleep. Ummm… No. That’s got to be one of the most uncomfortable places to sleep ever: hard wood, sun glaring at you.

So you’re essentially doomed to just lying there in boredom. The bugs make it suck though. I do not fucking like bugs and shit. Especially shit, that stuff just grosses me the fuck out. So… bees and wasps live inside the wood of our deck outside. Like, whole mother fucking colonies. Surrounding the small area that is our deck. It’s like my fucking nightmare. I thought someone told me bees were, like, endangered or some shit? Although, once you get past the constant paranoia as you hear them buzzing past you, it’s not so bad. None really bother you and land on you at all, they just fly past your ears to try and make you flip the fuck out – which almost always works. Only ants ever really crawl on you out there, and you can just kind of flick those off if they bother you. Except fucking yesterday… I’d been out for an hour, but it was fucking gorgeous outside and I figured I could probably stay out for almost another hour. Until out of fucking nowhere, this huge-ass black spider fucking lands on my lips somehow! Needless to say, I flip the fuck out to the max. That pretty much killed my day right there.

So here I am. Pale. White. Ghostly. Another year of not being able to tan. Irish ancestry fucks me once again. Fucking Irish. I think I’m part Irish. Maybe not… I’m also supposedly part Swedish. And Native American. I think my dad just kind of made our ancestry up though. I’m a very specific ethnicity of European descent which does not tan at all… except my sister who is fucking brown. I got the shitty genes – the genes that make me glow in the dark. I am one effulgent mother fucker.

Anyway… wow. Why the fuck did I talk about this?

If there’s any message I want anyone to take away from reading this post it is: SKYDIVING IS FUCKING AMAZING AND YOU SHOULD FUCKING DO IT!!!! BECAUSE IT IS THE MOST INCREDIBLE THING YOU WILL EVER DO!!! I mean, there’s no reason not to. It’s really safe and relatively affordable… and also FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

Not the Bowie song…. The Obama Chia Pet!!!!!!!!!!!

ZOMG! Chia Obama!!!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!! I want one so bad!!! It’s so fucking ridiculous! I want to grow out his luscious black afro in Chia form! I’ll have my own Obama pet!
I love that he’s available in two different facial expressions: “Determined” & “Down Syndrome”

I have nothing more to say.

Why did I have to help my mom make that Facebook?

OK. I hate sports channels. They are the most unreliable channels ever. The TV Guide or whatever can say that the hockey playoffs started half an hour ago, but you turn it on and .. Bull riding…. Bull riding: not a real sport. It’s a rodeo activity purely for the spectators. It’s only good when someone gets gored, and with regulations nowadays: forget about it!

Seriously though, how long could they have misjudged that the bull-riding show would last? No one stays on the bull past 8 seconds. Did some guy philibuster the competition and just ride the bull around the track like a show-pony for 45 minutes? This thing doesn’t seem like it’s near the end either…. Bull riding is sponsored by Pabst Blue Ribbon? Pabst Bull Riding? That made so sense. This is stupid. I forgot the real reason I was initially going to start this rant. I love bull riding now. It’s so fucking stupid. I want to marry it. I don’t understand why the bull is so calm when surrounded in that little blue cage, then he just flips the fuck out! It’s crazy! It’s stupid! It’s pointless and easy to fuck yourself up doing it! You basically let yourself be violently flung from a giant fuzzy angry buffalo looking creature. I wish they were buffalo. I would enter a buffalo riding competition. They’re so peaceful and majestic. I would just ride it around until it was tired. Then cook it and eat it. A whole day of fun! Mmmm… buffalo.

I’d probably rather watch bull riding (or buffalo riding for that matter) than baseball any day.

Anyway, so. Sports channels, yeah. Crazy. Not all that reliable.

College is the biggest bullshit ripoff on Earth. Whoever thought of that shit was a fucking genius asshole. They charge you for every little fucking thing. And if it ever looks like they have the opportunity to charge for anything, they try to overcharge by about a thousand-fold. I don’t know how they get away with this shit. I’m just saying, I get virtually the same fucking education at a community college as I could at any university. And I don’t have to deal with all that college bullshit! I mean, I know that the whole thing is that you’re paying for the “college experience” and not the education. But what the fuck does that mean? I can go down to any other college and hang out with my dumbass friends who went to college and “experience college” (aka shitty dorms and cheap beer) and not waste all the money of myself and my family. And while having free time to hang out with friends, I can be receiving a full-education at some shit community college and still have time to work and earn ca$h!

The college experience

Man, taking a semester off between high school and college really makes you realize what complete bullshit everything is. Now I realize how completely not worth it college is. The system is flawed and I’m the only one who sees it!

 

But whatever, U of I. I still think you’re a cool place even though you’re 4 hours away and in the middle of fucking nowhere Illinois. I love you even though you overcharge me for education that I could easily learn for free given the right motivation. I love you even though you charge over $1000 for a 9 month rent of one of the crappiest apartments ever built which are then shared among other people who you’ve never met before and are probably complete assholes because the only question that apparently determines who a person’s roomate should be is “do you smoke?” By the way, I lied on that question because my mom was in the room. I love you even though this makes no sense at all, you know why? We’re all fucking crazy. Go Illini!

It’s still 3-1  with 10 minutes left anyway, so I’m just kind of assuming. But come on, fuck Calgary.

So I was sittin’ around watching the Hawks game (4 seconds ago) when I realized that I had a 6 page Engrish paper due tomorrow that I haven’t even thought about. But then I realized that I haven’t blogged in a while, so here we are. I was totally going to spend all day writing this paper and it was gonna be a snap. But then I took a shower and decided to get a headache and nap all day. So, 10:30 pm. I have work all day tomorrow and have to go straight to school. I essentially have until 8 am tomorrow to get this done.  That’s plenty of time if I don’t sleep.

I still have to figure out what I’m going to write about. It has to have something to do with the internet. I think I’m just going to write about internet overuse and addiction – something I seem to have experience with. I don’t know what else there is. I could write about the phenomenon of LOLcats. Page 2: How do most people pronounce LOLcats when telling others about it? Page 3: What the fuck do you mean you “can has cheeseburger?” You want a cheeseburger? You’re a cat! People, do not feed your cats cheeseburgers: They will invariably die. INVARIABLY!

I really don’t want to write this. I want to ditch English class sooo bad tomorrow. It’s not like it really matters. I can turn it in next week and not really even get any points off. Grades don’t matter in this class anymore anyway! I got a 100% on my last essay and wrote it in two hours!

This is seriously the most bullshit waste of time English class ever. We spend half of the time working on semi-colon usage. Who gives a fuck? Semicolons aren’t even a necessary punctuation mark! There is no situation in which a semicolon would be the only grammatically correct solution. It’s not the “go to” way to fix a fucked up sentence. It is an afterthought of the English language and entirely preferential.

Well, I went too in depth on that remark, but it’s true. Colons and semi-colons: Abortions!

I love colons though. I feel like I’m able to cheat the whole language when I use one.

Anyway, so… not doing homework. Fuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn…..

I think people accomplish some really cool and interesting things while procrastinating doing other things that have to be done. I downloaded that song they play everytime the Blackhawks score a goal yesterday (Fratellis – Chelsea Dagger). Doo doo doo doo doo doo dood ododododododo etc. The part of the song they play after goals (and in some new beer commercial) is the only memorable part of the song. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo… It just sounds like a good old time with your buddies: drunk, walking down the city streets at night, arm in arm, stumbling, semi-trying to do the can-can. Good times…. I’ve never specifically created this memory, but that song just seems to accurately depict this very scene.

G’night! One minute left in the game. Still 3-1. Who’s next? Canucks? We’re fucked.

EDIT: Wait, the Ducks? They rhyme, whatever. Still not a good chance. I’ll root for ya anywayz, Hawks!

Molly needs a prom date!

Anyone with $75 and willing to hang out with me, congratulations!

The bus leaves at 5, so pick me up early and we can do pre-prom things or whatever.

See you then!

There’s no hot water in my house. I need to shower very badly.

I’m pretty sure yesterday morning had to be the worst morning ever. I was having the most amazing dream! And my alarm clock went off at the worst possible time ever!!! I’m not going to go into detail on my dream, because it was ridiculous as hell. I was just pissed that I went through that entire part of my dream where I had an awkward and overly angry conversation with my parents about whether or not I left laundry in the dryer, and I woke up just when I started to make out with that random hot guy! DAMN YOU ALARM CLOCK! Anyway, whatever. I had to get ready for another – likely to be shitty – day of work (I was stuck there until 10 the night before!) So I jump in the shower… and it’s freezing. I flip the fuck out. I realize that it is very very icy and want to cry. I manage to get shampoo in my hair and almost rinse it out. That was a fun shower. Anyway, yesterday as a whole wasn’t so bad. I’m pretty sure that unexpectedly freezing water in the morning is the worst thing to experience ever though.

So anyway, I thought today might be better: until I woke up and realized the water would still be cold. I woke up before 8 this morning hoping to get clean and start my day-off early. My momz said that my pops was supposed to fix the water heater this morning. He’s still in the basement sleeping. It’s after 11 now. I needed to go the bank today! I won’t have a chance to get money until Tuesday.

Hmph… I’m very angry. I just want warm water! I wonder if that kid down the street will let me use his shower…

How did the cavemen live?
Well, I suppose their gall bladders were probably more useful for removing all of that bile they ingested….
They didn’t shower: ever. When did humans begin formalizing language?
I think cavemen deserve their own post….

Seriously though, hippies? Music festival goers? Campers?
How do they live with themselves and their filth? It’s been 2 fucking days for me! Am I OCD? I don’t think I am. I just really don’t like being dirty at all. I don’t like the whole concept of a filthy film that builds on top of you.

I’m mostly bored right now.  I want to move on with my life already! I want to be able to go out and do stuff! I can’t face the world right now without a shower. I’ve got the stench of a little over 2 full days failure on me. [insert angry sounds here] >:-<

Wow, so I’m pretty sure that I’ve completely made up for my lack of MS Painting lately by wasting my entire day off doodling. I just had this stupid idea of making a comic about this guy from work last night. I guess I must have been having some creative mindsplosion today, because I ran with it and came up with about a million different ideas. Of course, I don’t have the MS Paint talent/speed/patience to actually go through with most of them, but I think that the ones I did make were pretty cool. I really wanted to do more about Terrence going to Highland Park and being forced into doing inscribe (my original idea), but then my mind went off on too many tangents because there are way too many possibilities! I really considered doing the entire Highland Park store and then inverting all of their colors so they would be like the “bizarro” Party City. Not enough time. Also, I feel like kind of an asshole just using one of my coworker’s lives as the subject for an entire series of comics. I probably should have stopped after the one, but what can I say? I was on a roll! Anyway, I’ve already posted the images on Facebook to be ridiculed, but I did say that my blog needed more color and images, so I’ll just go ahead and post them here! A lot of the things in here are only funny if you either work at Party City, know Terrence, or - well - if you’re me.

That first one had the stupidest background color and scheme to work with ever!
Also, the images are too big and had to be sized down so they would fit. For most, you can just click on them to see the enlarged version.

I want to draw more random bullshit! It’s been awhile, hasn’t it?

I have a great idea for something that should entertain me for quite a while. I hope I have time to work on it tomorrow. I want to jump on this as soon as possible. Too tired right now. I’ll probably post something about it eventually if I actually go through with it. If not, I suppose it will just remain a mystery forever… like the wind… [prolific?!??]

Finally done dealing with all of that bullshit. Man, fuckin’ crazy. So anyway, this was the letter I sent to him to end our relationship once and for all. You can read it if you want. I can finally see fun things ahead of me in my life now though!

I’m predicting some crazy shit in my future:

Ho yeah.

Fuck yes. And some of this too:

Yeah, this seems like a very mean post, but now that I know he’s probably going to be reading this, I had to do it.

I don’t really care. I’m still excited about life, and everyone else should be too, no matter what shit they have to deal with right now.

This is a draft I wrote up the 1st Sunday in March after going down to the University of Illinois for Unofficial. It was a really awesome and fun weekend! But aside from all of that, I finally had to write down some issues I’ve been having with Brian. I didn’t plan on publishing it, at least not until we broke up. It isn’t the most interesting read, but I’ve decided to include it in the chronology of my blog nonetheless. So you can read more if you wish.

Are we broken up now? I don’t get it. I’m honestly not sure. I really wanted to break up with you and that’s what I thought I did. You still seem to think you have a chance at winning me back. It doesn’t work like that. There’s no convinving me, no redeeming yourself. You didn’t really do anything wrong to offend me; it’s just over. I don’t think we can still be friends. I regret even bringing it up as an idea when I broke up with you in the first place. I agreed to hang out with you tomorrow night just so you could get some closure and realize that we’re over. It’s not a chance to get me to come back to you. I hope I finally got you to realize this tonight. Talking to you has never been easy. You hear what you want to hear sometimes.
I wish you would stop calling me so damn much. This is weird and confusing. I obviously still care about you and don’t want to hurt your feelings, but I just want it to be over so we can both move on. So, anyway. Yeah, I guess it’s finally over. We had a good run. about 13 months? not bad. my longest relationship. first person I probably loved. So it goes. On with life, I suppose.